so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
