i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
