thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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