I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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