Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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