theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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