Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
