sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
