i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
