New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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