he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
