could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
