There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
