I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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