That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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