I just saw a hot homeless man
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
