I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
