she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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