Non-Jews are for practice
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
