nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
