her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
