Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
