Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
