You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
