WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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