Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
