oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
