My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can I color on your dick again?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
this is an emotional support booty call
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
