ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
farters have to be the big spoon...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
