you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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