If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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