nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
