Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
