just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
