Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
