i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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