Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dicks are not precious.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
