You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
