He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
