At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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