she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
