Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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