look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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