just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
