Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
