:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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