Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
