I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
