I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
