Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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