I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
