well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
