So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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