My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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